Relationships: Why are they difficult as we get older? What makes it so difficult to find a partner after 30? In the office of the psychotherapist but also in friendly discussions, the issue of relationships occupies a huge volume of discussions. Family, friendly, professional, erotic relationships. Through our relationships, we identify the world around us but also ourselves. Field theory and Gestalt psychotherapy tell us flirtwith.com that we are interdependent with the field that surrounds us, which is and consists of all our relationships.

Relationships with people,

with the natural environment, with our work, even with abstract concepts such as value systems and everything that surrounds us literally and figuratively. I am related so I exist. From all the above relations, those that seem to concern us most intensely and most often are our love affairs – companionship. I often meet, both inside and outside of my job, people over 30 who have great difficulty in making a lasting partnership. More specifically, I often see in free people in the 30s and 40s, a strong frustration with the process of finding a partner regardless of gender.

So what happens and do love affairs become difficult after a certain age? a strong frustration with the process of finding a partner regardless of gender. So what happens and do love affairs become difficult after a certain age? a strong frustration with the process of finding a partner regardless of gender. So what happens and do love affairs become difficult after a certain age?

The Pressure of Time

In my opinion, one factor that makes relationships very difficult is the time pressure that many people experience. As the years go by and those around us, friends, co-workers, cousins, etc. start and live together, get married, have children and whatever our society dictates to us that adults should do at this age, an inner sense of pressure is often created. of time, which intensifies with its passage.

Unfortunately, those around us often contribute actively to this feeling, such as relatives who indiscriminately ask “When will you get married?” or do they throw condemnations like “You will stay on the shelf if you do not find a person to fix your life soon” or friends respectively who will say something like “Will you ever get serious?” And especially for women this pressure is most often greater as it is associated with

Their Reproductive Capacity.

We receive so much external pressure that many times, it is difficult to distinguish for ourselves whether the pressure he feels is really the result of a personal unfulfilled need of his body for a relationship or is a consequence of the intrusions * that we have “swallowed” about how to be a “successful” person after 30.

What is the effect of stress on the relationship building process? This pressure can lead to a variety of effects. It can make people anxious, hurried, pushy, avoidant, spasmodic and more. Like anything new, relationships need fertile ground to thrive. The ground is co-created by the two people involved in the relationship. First, we start from the “common ground”, all that unites us and then if all goes well we expand to the most “unexplored territories” and the common ground expands.

But stress poisons our inner soil, erodes it, makes it fragile and inhospitable. So the anxious person does not have the ground to support the relationship but also the person opposite, finds it difficult to trust a weak ground. To truly fall in love with someone, we need to admire them. A person’s self-confidence is the number one element that makes someone attractive and stress reflects insecurity and not self-confidence. Therefore it is almost impossible to fall in love with a man who is overwhelmed by anxiety and haste.

I want you to Want Me

Apart from admiration, another and probably the most basic component of erotic attraction is desire. The desire to wish but also to be desired. Especially in its first phase, love has to do mainly with the second. We first fall in love with the reflection of ourselves in the eyes of the other. “When one falls in love, one does not really see the other as a whole. Instead, the other acts as a screen where the lover projects his idealized aspects. ”(Bucai, J., 2006). So many times, when one person is in the aforementioned state of stress and anxiety does not respond “well” to the desire of the other to want him.

When the lover, instead of projecting his ideal self to the other, projects his anxiety to create a relationship, a marriage, a family, etc. deposits at the point of contact a huge weight and a huge pressure that scares the receiver of this projection. Stress and anxiety destroy the surrounding atmosphere of desire that is necessary in love. In addition, the pressure creates the feeling that the other does not want me for who I am, but needs me, needs me to fill his time, space, existence.

This Feeling Creates a New Pressure

And if seeing desire in another’s eyes is aphrodisiac, seeing need is the exact opposite. This feeling creates a new pressure that becomes unbearable for the one who accepts it and often leads to flight. the pressure creates the feeling that the other does not want me for who I am, but needs me, needs me to fill his time, space, existence. And if seeing desire in another’s eyes is aphrodisiac, seeing need is the exact opposite.

This feeling creates a new pressure that becomes unbearable for the one who accepts it and often leads to flight. the pressure creates the feeling that the other does not want me for who I am, but needs me, needs me to fill his time, space, existence. And if seeing desire in another’s eyes is aphrodisiac, seeing need is the exact opposite. This feeling creates a new pressure that becomes unbearable for the one who accepts it and often leads to flight.

Ghosts of the past – Are Relationships Difficult

The ghosts of the past are another big factor that makes relationships difficult as we grow older. Our experiences so far determine to some extent our perceptions and expectations. Previous relationships – whether they are one or two long-term relationships, or many or even a few short relationships, or non-relationships – often haunt us. They haunt us through our own personal prejudices about how we operate in a relationship, how others treat us, how they evolve or do not evolve, depending on the scenario.

The truth is, this is the cognitive process of the human species. Through our experiences, we draw information, which we process to make sense of what is happening and to be able to predict – as much as we can – the future. In this process, however, we generalize and simplify with the risk of leaving our previous experiences, to predetermine how the new relationship should or should not be and therefore its outcome.

I notice that many people at the first sign that reminds them of something negative from a previous situation tend to reject the person they are dealing with with concise procedures and the same can happen when this person does not meet the high expectations that some previous relationship. So there is a strong tendency to compare new experiences with old ones that very easily lead to rejection either because something “sour” us or because something is not as it was. flirtwith

Great Expectations – Are Relationships Difficult

The expectations we have from each new candidate relationship as we grow older seem to grow as well. And on the one hand this is both logical and healthy. As we grow older, we mature. Which means we know ourselves better, what we like and what we do not like. What we want and need from a relationship. The problem arises when our expectations grow and cease to be realistic. In any case, we live in an age of high expectations. We require our partner to embody. The roles he or she never embodied until recently in human history (Bucai, J., 2006). To be ideal / wife, lover / lover, mother / father, to fascinate us but also to give us a sense of security. At the same time to be our best friend, to support us financially when we need it and how many more .

So what happens is that we end up waiting to find what we want. The way we want it, cut and sewn to measure and in addition. We need the other to quickly prove to us. That she is the one we want and not everything. We have rejected in past because we no longer have. The time and energy to waste at this age. But how realistic is this and how fair? How do I feel. When the other person puts me in this position? How easy is it to dismiss someone unfairly in this fast-paced process? And finally, how many opportunities for a meaningful relationship do. We give to each other and to ourselves? At 20 we were given opportunities with the above because. We had time and we did not care so much if the relationship will “go somewhere”.

After 30, however, we want to find something substantial with a future – and we are doing well., But one can never know from the beginning if an acquaintance can become. A relationship and let alone if it will develop into a “successful” relationship with the future. Letting the fatigue and frustration brought by previous experiences overwhelm us. Combined with the rush and excessive expectations. We create an internal and external pressure, which, in fact, traps us and closes us to ourselves.

Human Relationships and Especially love are like Fire,

After the first spark it needs space and air to become stronger. So let’s take a step back, to leave the necessary space and air. That human contact needs to develop. Letting the fatigue and frustration brought by previous experiences overwhelm us. Combined with the rush and excessive expectations. We create an internal and external pressure. Which, in fact, traps us and closes us to ourselves. But human relationships and especially love are like fire. After the first spark it needs space and air to become stronger.

So let’s take a step back, to leave. The necessary space and air that human contact needs to develop. Letting the fatigue and frustration brought by previous experiences overwhelm us. Combined with the rush and excessive expectations. We create an internal and external pressure. Which, in fact, traps us and closes us to ourselves. But human relationships and especially love are like fire. After the first spark it needs space and air to become stronger. So let’s take a step back, to leave the necessary space and air that human contact needs to develop.

RELATED ARTICLE: “What Gift Can I Get You?” How Do Gifts Affect Men-Women Relationships?

But human relationships and especially love are like fire, after the first spark it needs space and air to become stronger. So let’s take a step back, to leave the necessary space and air that human contact needs to develop. But human relationships and especially love are like fire, after the first spark it needs space and air to become stronger. So let’s take a step back, to leave the necessary space and air that human contact needs to develop.